Changing

Whether we are working to change a health behavior like becoming more active, eating more fruit or changing a personal/professional behavior like getting reports in on time change often comes with a level of pain. We avoid change like the plague.
We would do almost anything to get in the way of our success. We often hold assessments of ourselves which are based on our personal or family history. Statements like – “my family has never been athletic” or “I’m just not a fruit eater” often denote it would be impossible for us to show up any other way than the way we perceive ourselves. Assessments are opinions or judgments we hold.
Harvard Professors, Robert Kegan and Lisa Laskow Lahey, discovered through human behavior research we often resist change because of what they term “competing commitments”. This does not mean we are not sincere with our desire to change, what it means is we often apply our energy toward a hidden agenda which results in the stalled efforts to change. Our story of who we are colors for us a picture of the “why” about change.
So a place to begin is to get our story straight. Try this exercise.
On one piece of paper write the words – Old Story. Begin this story with the way things are right now. Include why you believe you cannot achieve what it is you want. What are the competing commitments that get in the way of your success?
What are the obstacles that hinder your success?
On a second piece of paper write the words - New Story. On this paper begin with the words: The Truth is … Include in your new story what you want your life to become. Be as detailed as you can be – times, dates and actions you are willing to take to make your future a reality. Be sure to include in your new story what matters most in your life. It is our passion for matters most in our lives that fuels our desire to change into certainty. Begin to imagine yourself in the state you are becoming.
Keep your New Story ready and available for review. Post notes to yourself on your computer screen saver, bathroom mirror, and in your car about what matters most to you as a reminder of the commitment you have made. When we pair our life’s passion with the new behavior we want to practice, like more physical activity – change can become what we look forward to.
One of my favorite poems about change is “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk” by Portia Nelson.

There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Chapters
Chapter 1)
I walk down the street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
.... I fall in.
.... I am lost — I am helpless.
.... It isn’t my fault.
.... It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2)
I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
.... I pretend I don’t see it.
.... I fall in again.
.... I can’t believe I’m in the same place.
.... But it isn’t my fault.
.... It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3)
I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
.... I see it is there.
.... I still fall in — it’s a habit
.... My eyes are open
.... I know where I am
.... It is MY fault.
.... I get out immediately.
Chapter 4)
I walk down the same street.
....There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
.... I walk around it.
Chapter 5)
I walk down a DIFFERENT street.

Portia Nelson (1920 - 2001) was a renaissance woman: author, singer, composer, lyricist, painter, photographer, and actress. Over the years she wrote the music and lyrics for many revues, television specials, and films. Portia authored the much-loved book There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery, originally published in the 1970’s. There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk was made into a musical based on the book, and Portia directed, created the music and lyrics, and performed in the production at the York Theatre in Manhattan. This amazing poem has been praised by psychotherapists, metaphysicians, and legions of fans from every walk of life. Roseanne’s best-selling autobiography. John Gray, Ph.D., author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, says: “There’s a Hole in My Sidewalk explains in a simple and concise way, how life works. It is full of practical wisdom that will allow you to embrace and change your life.“